A couple months ago, I realized that I was getting stuck once again a cycle with perfectionism.
That is – if it wasn’t perfect, I wasn’t going to do it.
It’s been a problem my entire life. I didn’t know it was “perfectionism” for many years – probably until my late 30s or even early 40s. But then something clicked, and I realized that one of the biggest issues that kept me from accomplishing my goals was perfectionism.
I don’t remember if I had the epiphany in personal or marital therapy, or during something I was doing for personal development – or maybe it was just a book I was reading, a conversation I was engaged in…. But it was a huge lightbulb moment.
The reason I quit on myself was because I wasn’t doing it perfectly.
That “it” could have been anything. It could have been a new goal I’d made for myself, a new exercise regime, a new “diet”, a habit I wanted to learn, a boundary I was making in one of my relationships. The fact was, because I failed once (yes, once) – it took me down to a place where I would berate myself, lose my focus, and ultiimately, quit.
When I became aware of the problem – it was only the first step, but ultimately, the BIGGEST step, in making it easier to achieve goals. From the smallest goals, to the most life-changing, I realized that I was HUMAN, would mess up, would not do them perfectly – and it didn’t mean that I was a failure, or the overall effort/goal was a failure. And I woud pick myself back up, dust myself off, and continue.
I became a goal-achieving machine. It didn’t mean that it was easy, or that many of my goals took a very long time to acquire – but somehow, allowing myself to be imperfect made things a lot more simple.
Simple, not easy.
And so, a couple months ago, I was engaged in some personal development, I realized that the reason I wasn’t blogging like I wanted because I was trying to do it perfectly.
Somehow, I needed to make sure that every blog
- was perfectly written
- included engaging photos
- was stylized with great fonts, markup (typeface: bold, italics, etc)
In fact, the last blog entry I wrote, it took so long to post because I was trying to make it “presentable” by finding appropriate photos, making those photos the right size, adding appropriate headings and stylized fonts, creating a unique photo header.
All of those things caused me to actually lose interest in the content – which is a strange thing indeed, because they were all intended to make the reader more interested in the content.
So forgive me if:
- it isn’t done perfectly
- there aren’t appropriate pretty photos
- the typeface is plain and not appropriately stylized
- the articles aren’t appropriately and fully categorized and tagged
Because I just need to write.