A couple months ago, I realized that I was getting stuck once again a cycle with perfectionism.

That is – if it wasn’t perfect, I wasn’t going to do it.

It’s been a problem my entire life.  I didn’t know it was “perfectionism” for many years – probably until my late 30s or even early 40s.  But then something clicked, and I realized that one of the biggest issues that kept me from accomplishing my goals was perfectionism.

I don’t remember if I had the epiphany in personal or marital therapy, or during something I was doing for personal development – or maybe it was just a book I was reading, a conversation I was engaged in…. But it was a huge lightbulb moment.

The reason I quit on myself was because I wasn’t doing it perfectly.  

That “it” could have been anything.  It could have been a new goal I’d made for myself, a new exercise regime, a new “diet”, a habit I wanted to learn, a boundary I was making in one of my relationships.  The fact was, because I failed once (yes, once) – it took me down to a place where I would berate myself, lose my focus, and ultiimately, quit.

perfect

When I became aware of the problem – it was only the first step, but ultimately, the BIGGEST step, in making it easier to achieve goals.  From the smallest goals, to the most life-changing, I realized that I was HUMAN, would mess up, would not do them perfectly – and it didn’t mean that I was a failure, or the overall effort/goal was a failure.  And I woud pick myself back up, dust myself off, and continue.

I became a goal-achieving machine.  It didn’t mean that it was easy, or that many of my goals took a very long time to acquire – but somehow, allowing myself to be imperfect made things a lot more simple.

Simple, not easy.

And so, a couple months ago, I was engaged in some personal development, I realized that the reason I wasn’t blogging like I wanted because I was trying to do it perfectly.

Somehow, I needed to make sure that every blog

  1. was perfectly written
  2. included engaging photos
  3. was stylized with great fonts, markup (typeface: bold, italics, etc)

In fact, the last blog entry I wrote, it took so long to post because I was trying to make it “presentable” by finding appropriate photos, making those photos the right size, adding appropriate headings and stylized fonts, creating a unique photo header.

All of those things caused me to actually lose interest in the content – which is a strange thing indeed, because they were all intended to make the reader more interested in the content.

So forgive me if:

  • it isn’t done perfectly
  • there aren’t appropriate pretty photos
  • the typeface is plain and not appropriately stylized
  • the articles aren’t appropriately and fully categorized and tagged

Because I just need to write.

Imperfectly.

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